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A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’.

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband.

He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

You’re going to love this……………….

You’re going to hate yourself for loving this!…………

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck!’

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. ‘So, how is everything going?’ inquired God.

‘It is all so beautiful, God,’ she replied. ‘The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It’s these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They’re a real pain..’

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more ‘symmetrically balanced’.

‘That’s a fair point,’ replied God, ‘But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.’

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

‘ Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?’

‘Just fantastic,’ she replied, ‘But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.’

God thought for a moment and said, ‘You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let’s see….where did I put that useless Tit?’

Now doesn’t THAT make more sense than all that rubbish about the rib?

Over the next few months I’m going to be writing a series of articles on South West Andalucia – the area known as The Golden Triangle.  What qualifies me to write these articles is that I run Camino Holidays, who specialize in bespoke and package holidays in this area, including day trips.  Between myself and my staff there isn’t anything we don’t know about this lovely part of Spain and we also have a great love and pride in this area – which I’d like to share with you.

If you stopped an average Brit in the street, in Britain or Spain and asked him about Jerez – chances are he/she would only be able to mention the Moto GP circuit there.  Ask someone with more interest in the area and they may be able to tell you they make sherry there.  But stop any Spaniard and they’d instantly chant the litany “Sherry, Horses and Flamenco”

Jerez de la Frontera is the smallest city in Andalucia – in fact it isn’t really a city at all, but a town that happens to have a cathedral.  The story of why it has a cathedral tells you a lot about the cities history and how that history is still very much a part of everyday life for the Jerezanos.

The economy of Jerez was and still is, based on the local industries of breeding, training and selling horses, arable farming and the production of sherry.  They have much interest in the tourist industry here, which means you can still find that type of town that characterizes this part of Andalucia – charming, unspoilt and with the local people just happy to live their lives here.

The land around Jerez has a type of soil known as Albarizas, which is ideal for sherry growing and in fact sherry has been produced here since Roman times.  A very popular drink, Shakespeare refers to it in several of his plays and by the 17^th century enterprising young British businessmen were going out to Jerez to produce and export sherry.  These families became the big employers in the area, with names we all still recognize – Harvey, Byass, Wisdom and Water, Sandeman, Garvey etc.

Twice a year Jerez comes together to celebrate their town’s famous litany of “Sherry, Horses and Flamenco”. Early May sees the Feria del Caballo, with its endless parades of beautifully carriages and horses, dazzling Sevillanas dancing and copious amounts of sherry drinking.  In September the annual sherry harvest- La Vendimia, is celebrated with a month of events including the “thousand horse parade” through the streets, the “Fiesta de la Buleria”, celebrating the famous Flamenco song and dance invented in Jerez and the ceremonial “treading of the grapes”.

With thanks to Rosi Reed of Camino Holidays

Summer may bring visions of natural highlights and long windblown hair, but the reality is that summer sun and humidity can damage your hair and result in dry, split, frizzy hair and ends.

Consider some of these tips for great summer hair care:

• If your hair is fine or thin, apply a ‘leave-in’ conditioner to prevent static electricity
• Hair needs to be treated more gently during the summer. Consider switching to a more moisturizing and overall gentle shampoo
• When you’re out in the sun, reach for a hat to cover delicate strands.  If a hat won’t do, use the next best thing… sun cream!
• Wash your hair less often during summer months to allow your tresses to absorb maximum moisture

Take care of your hair during the summer and you won’t have to spend the rest of the year trying to repair it!  Prevention is always the best plan of action for your hair.

For professional advice on how to properly care for your hair, pop into The Works Hair and Beauty for a FREE consultation.  Call now on 952 836 899  Website: The Works for Hair, Beauty & Massage.

The 23 players that make up Spain’s World Cup squad are:

Goalkeepers:
Iker Casillas (Real Madrid)
José Manuel Reina (Liverpool)
Víctor Valdés (Barcelona)

Defenders:
Raúl Albiol (Real Madrid)
Alvaro Arbeloa (Real Madrid)
Joan Capdevila (Villarreal)
Carlos Marchena (Valencia)
Gerard Piqué (Barcelona)
Carles Puyol (Barcelona)
Sergio Ramos (Real Madrid)

Midfielders:
Xavi Alonso (Real Madrid)
Sergio Busquets (Barcelona)
Francesc “Cesc” Fábregas (Arsenal)
Andrés Iniesta (Barcelona)
Javi Martínez (Athletic Club)
Xavi Hernández (Barcelona)

Forwards:
David Jiménez Silva (Valencia)
Jesús Navas González (Sevilla)
Juan Manuel Mata (Valencia)
Pedro Rodríguez (Barcelona)
Fernando Llorente (Athletic Club)
Fernando Torres (Liverpool)
David Villa (Valencia).

Rules that only parents can really appreciate:

* Bribery works
* It’s perfectly OK to have a glass of wine at 5.30pm
* Before children, luxury is a day at a spa. Afterwards it’s having a bowel movement without someone shouting at you through the door.
* Feminism has done me no favours. I now have to cook, clean, wash clothes, look after a child as well as going to work, making important decisions and balancing books.
* Baby wipes clean everything. So you can throw all your old cleaning products away – there’s no need for them any more
* It is possible for a one year old to get stuck in a cat flap, and if he does, it will be a toss up whether you free them or run for the camera.
* You can tell your child’s height by looking at the snot marks on your jeans.
* If there’s a hole, they will put something into it.
* A small child weighing no more than two stone takes up at least two thirds of a king size double bed
* The male incapacity to keep hands and willy apart starts at a distressingly young age
* There’s no one like a young child for letting your friends know what you really think of them
* Children don’t actually die if they eat cat food… it may even give them shinier hair and stronger teeth
* Babies are just as happy with the box something came in as they would be with any toy you could buy them. Consequently, second children mostly own boxes that boring things came in
* Just when you have managed to move everything out of their reach, they will learn to get a chair to make themselves taller
* Opening a new box of nappy sacks to discover that they are a different colour to the normal ones (and subconsciously debating which you prefer) can be the highlight of your day
* The number of people with second children makes it a statistical possibility that somebody, somewhere, will find your post natal body attractive again
* You will stare at other parents’ buggies to check out whether they are better than yours even though you know it is a sad thing to do
* No matter how squeamish you are, you will, at some point, cup your hands to catch their sick
* You will prod your sleeping baby just to check they’re still alive
* You will regularly shout “Stop Shouting” at the top of your voice
* Whatever your intentions, you will end up sounding just like your mother
* If you drop the baby, it’s an accident; but if your partner puts her down a touch too hard, it’s grounds for full scale war
* You will find that your partner’s need for sleep is always greater than yours
* It doesn’t make you a bad parent if you draw a moustache on the baby for a laugh, but it’s best not to do it with indelible marker the day before an appointment with the health visitor
* If you make home seem really boring, they will be much more willing to go to school
* You must accept that once your child can talk, they will from then on know more than you and you will become more stupid in proportion to their increasingly knowledge
* Do not buy a yellow potty
* Other people’s babies – the ones who sleep through the night from two weeks, and behave immaculately in later months – are cobbled together in a laboratory somewhere
* If you feel there is any chance of the cuddly toy you are about to purchase being “THE ONE”, buy two and save yourself a lot of trauma later
* Never wake a sleeping baby – unless it’s got jaundice
* At the supermarket, put everything they nag you for in your trolley, then, when they aren’t looking, take it all out and scatter it in the aisles
* When your small baby hasn’t had a poo for two days, you should dress it in a babygro with feet attached
* Get one of those “radio” phones that allows you to walk about the house while you talk. That way you can wipe bottoms, sort out fights and even do the ironing while you chat to friends. Alternatively, you could tie a phone to your head with a pair of tights
* Similar to Newton’s third law, for every opinion in parenthood there is an opposite opinion – but not an equal one. Trust yourself – not your mother in law.

Now that the sun is shining and fiesta’s are looming its time to get out and about and what better occasion that this weekend’s craft fayre in GALERIAS PANIAGUA, SOTOGRANDE? It will be a fun, family day out with lots going on and will be supporting local business at a time when the economy desperately needs in it, in addition catch up with old friends and meet new ones! Plus its all FREE! FREE ENTRY – FREE PARKING!

There will be a variety of different stall’s promoting local crafts and businesses and the stalls are raising money for The Tramps Fund (reg 42) in Sotogrande which does extremely important and special work looking after stray dogs and cats in our area.

The fayre will open at 11am and close at 5.30pm, Pepe’s Cafe Bar will be serving refreshments and of course Mary will be selling her delectable pies and cakes. There will be Krafty Kids there to keep the children busy, pop into Glad Rags & The Book Angel for a FREE GLASS OF CAVA TOO!

Dr Susan Pheonix, internationally acclaimed author of Out of the Shadows:
A Journey Back from Grief and Policing the Shadows will be launching her new book with Gratitude Art and will be available to sign copies on the day.

Stalls include:

• Gratitude Art – gift cards, stationary, etc.
• Finger Tipz – Make-up Artistry & Tanning
• Debbie Durant – Handmade jewellery
• Dr Susan Phoenix – Aura Photography/Angels & Energies & Author
• Hand Crafted Cards by Patti
• Soto Maps
• Beverley Anne Heys – Psychic Medium & Card Reader
• Lucy Gabzdyl – EFT Therapist
• Glad Rags Sotogrande – Designer Dress Agency
• The Sentinella Costa West Magazine
• Lisa Sadleir – natural tanning products

• Be Awake Yoga
• Elaine O’Connell – Life Coach & Yoga Instructor
• Krazy Kids – Children’s party planners
• Janie Jewson – Handmade jewellery/Art Classes
• Mary’s homemade cakes
• Cudeca – Cancer care charity
• Gilly Jaxon – Palmist
• Anna Viale – Antiques & Collectables
• Gala Puro – Homemade Beauty Products
• Permanent Perfect Make-up
• Pearl Burrows – Communication Coaching
• Claire – Maui Jim´s Sunglasses
• Joan Pinnock – Hand Crafted Cards